Sunday, 23 November 2014

5 Things Marriage Taught Me

I wanted to do something a little different today by reflecting on what I've learned from my marriage so far. Recently my husband and I celebrated our one year anniversary and so I've been thinking about how much has changed in the past year. A lot has and definitely for the better and I wanted to share some things I've learned so far. Let me know if you can relate! Enjoy :)

1. The first year is the hardest
No matter how much you think you know someone, you really don't know them until you've lived under the same roof as them. I was with my husband for 4 years before we got married and lived together. I thought I knew exactly who he was but everything changes when you live with someone. People also don't tell you that the honeymoon phase is basically a lie. Some couples have that honeymoon phase in the earlier parts of their relationship but the first year of marriage is often difficult. I have spoken to several people who have been married for 10 years and they say that they are NOW in their honeymoon phase. They also say that the first year was the hardest and I completely agree. It's hard because you discover all the quirks and annoying habits of your partner that you never knew they had, and they are discovering things about you that they never knew before either. You are developing a routine in that first year and that can be quite difficult. So just based on my personal experience, the first year is the hardest.

2. Maintaining a home is difficult
I used to live with my parents right up until I got married and moved out and I discovered the hard way how difficult it is to maintain a home's cleanliness. I've always had a messy room and I thought I would smarten up after marriage but habits are hard to overcome. You have to make sure garbage goes out on time, laundry and dishes are done, a meal is cooked and things are relatively tidy. Doing just those things is so hard when you work and go to school at the same time. I appreciate my mom so much more because she always used to cut me some slack when I had school. 

3. Age difference can be good
So my husband is 30 and I am 21. I know, crazy huh! Nine years is a big difference in age between a married couple and before I got married I was completely against the idea but now I'm all for it. I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 25 and after we talked the first time I thought he was my age and he thought I was his age. Turns out there was nine years between us but something still clicked with us. I've come to appreciate the age difference between us because most guys my age are very immature and so being with someone close to my age may not have worked out. I say Alhamdulilah all the time because he treats me like a princess and I feel like someone my age may not appreciate my youth like he does. (Hopefully that makes sense)

4. Men express love differently 
Most men are not like the typical prince charming we see in movies. They don't express their love and affection in the ways we expect. They each have their different ways of showing their love and its hard to understand sometimes because we don't necessarily see it. Some guys get flowers and cards and can be spontaneous and some guys don't but that doesnt mean those guys don't love and appreciate you just as much. They just need some work on learning what you like and how you want to be appreciated and they will get there! Also another thing I wanted to add because it definitely sparked some arguments in my relationship is that men sometimes express their love through intimacy. Sometimes I just wanted an enriching conversation or to be able cuddle without anything progressing but he didn't understand that. I just thought I would mention that as food for thought. 

5. Communication is key
As cliché as it sounds communication truly is key. Whenever I would get upset I would turn to the slient treatment which is so wrong!! Half of our fights in that first year, my husband had no clue what he did wrong. I would be so angry and think to myself that he should simply know what he did wrong. The poor guy was so clueless and half the time we would go days without talking simply because I couldn't express what I was angry about. I could have saved so many problems and fights if I just spoke up. The silent treatment is stupid and is difficult for both partners. 


This past year has been quite the roller coaster but I wouldn't change it for the world. Everything happens for a reason and alhamdulilah my relationship has improved so much and become stronger. I could write so much more about what I've learned from marriage so far but I feel like these five things are the most important. I hope you guys enjoyed, related, benefited or will take into consideration any of these things for any future relationships. Let me know what you think!



6 comments:

  1. salam Jenan :) , I loved reading this! even tho I'm not married yet haha. You guys are so cute mashallah.
    May Allah bless you and your marriage, amine.
    Missed reading your posts, xoxo

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    1. Thanks Nahye! You are too sweet, and inshallah one day when you get married, these types of posts resonate with you! and I know its been a while since I've posted anything but I've been busy with school. Im glad I had some time to write again!
      Thanks again hun! xo

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  2. this was so interesting and beneficial to read! great post.
    I've always been told that no matter how long you've known the person or how long you've been engaged..living with them under the same roof is always completely different.
    All the best, wish you and your husband a lifetime of happiness! x
    Nadda

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    1. thank you so much! I have had such positive feedback on this post and hopefully it benefits someone! Thank you so much for checking out my blog!

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  3. This words were really usefull to read, I'm not married and wont be any sooner, Allah knows best anyway, but it's always to know about this things before the first year comes. I specially can benefit from the point 2, at least for now, as you said, changing an habit from day to night it's difficult so I better start getting the habit to clean things, and knowing how to maintain a house, at least the basics. These tips are really helpfull, and I'm so going to bockmarck this post. Btw, May Allah bless both of you with more years toguether.

    xx

    http://herplaceattheuniverse.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much for reading this and thinking its useful! It was my intent to help people avoid half of the conflicts I got in with my hubby! Alhamdilah we learn from our mistakes though and Im so happy you enjoyed the read!!

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Thanks so much for your comments! I love reading them and I will always reply when I can! <3