Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Marriage 101: Expectations VS. Reality

Today is my four month wedding anniversary and these four months have been quite the experience. It has been a complete roller coaster of emotions and I can say for sure that it hasn't been at all what I expected. I got married at a pretty young age for a girl of our generation. I met my husband when I was sixteen, we got engaged when I was seventeen and now I am twenty and married. So I was fairly young but it was completely my choice and it was something I fought everyone for. I felt it was right and till now I have no regrets. My family of course was terrified for me because they thought I was young and stupid like most girls my age at the time. But I was very mature for my age and I knew what I was doing.
Either way, once everyone knew I was getting married the wise, mature and experienced advice from various family friends started rolling in and I listened attentively, trying to capture key points like being patient and communicating how I'm feeling to my husband. The advice was all great but in the end talk is cheap if you can't put it into action. It was really difficult for me in the beginning to transition from being an independant woman who worked and went to school full time to sharing my entire life with another person. The first month was the worst. No one told me what to expect. It was so hard to adjust from leaving my family to moving in with someone who had spent the past few years on the other side of the globe, far away from me. People always pointed out that we were in our honeymoon phase of the marriage and that our love is blossoming into something beautiful. All lies of course. The only person who really let me have it was a close family friend who said that after nine years of marriage with her husband she is finally in her honeymoon phase. She said the first year is always the worst because you are living with a new person and you are just starting to see all their little habits and quirks. 
She was absolutely right! I had spent the past four years with my husband in a long distance relationship and I thought I knew who he was. I knew nothing and I learned that you really don't know a person until you live with them under the same roof. I learned how he eats, what time he goes to bed, how much salt he puts on his food, his obsession with cleanliness, and worst of all his addiction to smoking cigarettes. So many little things that sparked arguments every day and I began to think my relationship was unhealthy and that we argue and fight too much. I even began to hate myself for being such a downer all the time but I just couldn't understand how something so strong could just fall apart in such little time. 
But I was patient and he was too and every day we argue less and less and his annoying little quirks kind of make me laugh now, and things that would bug me don't bother me as much because I've learned that that's who he is and I am no better to think I am capable of changing him. We can both be stubborn sometimes but we're learning to compromise. I stopped demanding and he started understanding me better. I can't say we've reached that perfect understanding yet but we're getting there and I love him no matter what and I know he loves me too. I know it's cliché but really without love what keeps people together. No matter how angry I get or how hurt or upset I like to click open our wedding pictures and it reminds me of how much I love him and that I married the right guy. We've got a life ahead of us and it would be boring if we didn't hit some bumps sometimes.

PS: Just remember guys, the first year is the hardest so don't set your expectations so high because reality can hit you hard!

4 comments:

  1. This was a really interesting post, I'm the same age as you but still not married, and is good to read, to hear someone my age, telling me the truth behind that big decission.

    All the best in your marriage.

    xoxo

    Her Place at The Universe

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    1. Thank you hun! Yah it was certainly a big decision but I have no regrets and Alhamdilah, things always get better!

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  2. I married at 18, am almost 22 and have had 2 children already. I'd have to say my experience for marriage was different. My husband and I married after only 5 days of knowing one another. We haven't had hard times honestly. We get along quite well. Yes there are Times we disagree, but it is brief, brief as in, it only last for that conversation. I think it depends on the type of person you are. I grew up with constant bickering in my childhood home and now strive for a peaceful home of my own. So both my husband and I try to resolve issues quickly.

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    1. I replied to you through email but thank you for the post! It is so interesting to see you were married so quick!

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